Spell it out for me

Christmas.

This time of year makes you think about people you love. Past, present, and for so many the hope of the future. Pregnant moms, patient but protective dads, grandparents who have a brand new role to take on in life…. Old loves, new loves. Heart healers and heart breakers…. They all come rushing in through some sort of nostalgia…. A song, a food, a special place….

I heard there was a secret chord that David played and it pleased the lord…. I think this emotion is that special secret chord…. It’s rarely hit but the feeling is unforgiving and melodic….

Sometimes it can cause you to remember better days when you’ve got the future to plan for….Other times it can cause a lifetime to flash before your eyes…. An entire season…

525,600 minutes…. A season of love…. How many cups of coffee did you share with people you love this year? How many midnights?

I miss you. I’m thinking of you and the memories we almost made. I was somebody else… in your arms I was somebody else. Mother’s and Hollywood and the gods up above make it seem so easy to love…. I was somebody easy to love.

There are sins there are drugs when a hearts been broken… there are cloaks there are rugs when a law has been broken….

Press repeat

Bah… hum… BUG!

Christmas time is here…. It’s a time to spend with those you love…. Or are growing to… the bells 🔔, the Carole singers, the Salvation Army people, the music, Mariah Carey(?)…. All these things are used to evoke warmth…. And feelings of an all enveloping love…

I hated Christmas growing up…. Suffice to say, my holidays were never anything I ever looked forward to…. Matter of fact, I despised them…. Until I had my family….

Now my family (the first batch) has grown and moved away and taken my heart with them…. I’m so blessed 🥲 by what I do receive , but damn if it doesn’t hurt…. I’m used to being dressed, happy, singing and dancing…. Cooking for a home full of love…. And today my tear stained face is chapped because…. those days won’t ever be again…. They’re just… gone…. What the fire didn’t burn down from my past memories, it stole from my future…. My life…. 🔥…. And it’s clear I’m the only one who misses it…. Hummm…. What’s the psychology behind that?

I’m not asking for pity, please don’t offer it…. I’m just expressing the emotions that are evoked inside of me the second I hear “Halloween.” And I really fucking hate Mariah Carey and all her jingle bell shit….

Be tender with people…. Be gentle…. Be slow…. People hurt so much, during all times of the year, but Christmas time is especially mournful….

Happy Healing from Holiday Hurts if you’re reading this…. Blessed be and may Hestia welcome you to her hearth.

The Christmas shoes

Ever heard the song, the Christmas shoes? 

Well, to summarize, there is this little boy standing in line at a store on Christmas eve, and he’s attempting to buy these shoes for his mother.  Apparently she had died, and they were a poor family.  He wanted to get these shoes because she had been “sick for quite awhile” and he knew the shoes would “make her smile.”.  Ever wonder if momma didn’t off herself?  

I just went through one of the worst Christmases ever, and my son actually came up to me and said all he wanted for Christmas was to get his father a pair of shoes.  You see, he’d been wearing a pair of sandals, and that was the only pair of shoes he had.  Unfortunately, we didn’t have the money to get him said shoes….  But it really made me think….  I wonder if the holiday season was just too fucking much for momma!  Her son had seen her sad for so long, and all he wanted to do was get her that pair of shoes and have her smile….  Life’s a bitch…  She’s dead and the kid is still trying to make her happy…  Someone should tell him it never gets better.