Honestly?  I can’t give you a reason.  Scroll and click, scroll and click….   looking for something worth reading….  if not worth reading, enough to capture your attention for a few minutes….

Well, I’ll start with a disclaimer.  It isn’t my job to entertain you.  I’m writing this blog for me, not you.  I’m writing it annoymously and names and locations of events are going to be changed so you won’t have a clue who I really am….  No use trying to find me on facebook, don’t ask, I won’t tell you.

So why now?  I’m 38 years old.  I can only say that for a few more days because my birthday is on the 12th.  I’m 38, and I just now decided that I had enough crap to talk about stored up in my brain that I was inspired to start a blog.  Is that the truth?  No…   I don’t think so….  I think it’s because I’ve been quiet for so long.  Maybe it’s because I’m stoned as fuck and quite frankly, my creative juices free flow when I’m stoned. I’m not sure if the Indian’s payoye was similiar to pot…  I’ve studied their use of payote and it is said that when they smoked it, it produced hallucinations….  Many times it was used on vision quests, or when a member of the tribe  was in need of spiritual guidence, the tribe’s shamen or medicine man would take them into a hot tent, and there they would smoke payote and recieve the message their ancestors/gods/deity was sending to them.

That little tidbit of information is what I call a pot spot…  I get caught up on a thought and it just grows like….well…  weed in sunny Las Angeles!  Followup answer to unvoiced question…  yes, I am currently stoned….  No, I recant.  I’m actually not stoned…  I do however, have pot in my system.  These days, I usually have hit thee pipe a few times an hour during waking hours…. It is a recently new habit…  Up until 2-3 months back, I had smoked maybe 5 times total in my life.  Now, if I’m awake, you can be sure I’ve hit it.  Without me telling you though, you’d never have a clue.  I’m not goofy, stupid, or attention seeking.  I am legit using the stuff for medicinal purposes.  You see, I am also a diagnosed agorphobic, with severe OCD, anxiety, and depression.  This isn’t just a passing diagnoses, this is a severe, diagnosed disability that is so severe I recieve a disability check every month.

In addition to my new found pot regime, I also have a cocktail of other medications I am on daily.

Boring AF, more on that later.

Staticial facts

Married

have children

have animals

I consider myself a wiccan.

I believe in God.  All of them.  Goddess too…

Artist

musician

singer

exgardner

ex chef

I guess I should say ex musician too

and with that in thought…  ex mother, ex wife, ex singer, ex chef….

You see….  a few years back, I lost my home in a wildfire.  Fires are popular here in California, so I guess I shouldn’t be shocked, especially almost three years later, but that fucking fire took what was my life.  I had started to have severe emotional and some health problems before the fire, but the flames were the tidal wave that pulled me under….

So that’s my first post!  I don’t know who it is going to reach, who will decide to read and follow, but like I said, this is for me, not you…  So if you do continue to read, expect to see some shocking truths that nobody in my real life even has a clue about.

 

life could change on a dime.

Until next thought

Ah-Musing

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